Sometimes things happen and all I can do is shrug. I don't know the answer, I don't know where to go, I don't even know how to identify what went wrong. These are the situations that are most defeting for me. Not only because I am at a loss, but because I feel like I shouldn't be. Like, the Christian life is supposed to be an easy one, filled with right answers and only the occassional mistake that leads to a greater understanding or brings your closer to becoming that beautiful, whole person who won't ever make the same mistake twice. Seriously? Who told me that was true? They are w-r-o-n-g.

The Christian life isn't about having all the right answers, but living in a grace that redeems us from our shortcomings. While I might not ever know exactly the right answer to every one of life's challenges, I do know that having empty hands might not always be a bad thing. When my little patients cry at night, I might not ever have a perfect response to their grief. I don't know if I will ever be able to look one of them in the eye and say, "this is how we fix your problem". This is hard for me to accept because I so want to solve problems! My own, but also their's. I don't want them to live in pain, confusion, or grief. I want them to be freed from it.

People ask me sometimes how I can "do what I do". Good question. I'm not totally sure of the answer, but I do know that I would never make it if I haven't been blessed with at least a small shred of inner peace. Because, really, there are a thousand evidences of redemption in each day. It's just about being in the right place to notice them.