Feeling feverish

If there was a recipe for winter restlessness, the past week would have provided all the right ingredients. Bitter cold air, sunshine-free skies, stale apartment air that cannot be remedied without opening a window (which also happen to be frozen shut), road conditions that lead to an unexpected trip into the ditch that took 3 days to remedy, and the grand finale, the stomach flu. Now some of these ingredients just lead to an overall disassociated feeling, while others actually lead to disassociation. It is these factors (or ingredients, rather) that leave the most bitter taste in your mouth, often leading to a most uncomfortable - and unfriendly - mood.

In the midst of this "I can't get anything right!" feeling, however, there are times when you get a refreshing dose of sweet summer. Whether it be over Swedish tea ring on Christmas morning, or during a heart-to-heart with a most favorite sister. No matter how short these times may be, they begin to melt that frozen tundra in your perspective. The trick is not letting your attitude turn into black ice when you suddenly find your lungs getting smaller as they fill with frozen air. Today, I found, bowling (!!!) was the key. Tomorrow? I'm not sure. But, because of today, I'm hopeful there will be something.

Christmas in the hospital is always bittersweet. While the staff does so much to make the holidays happy for the patients, it can never be quite the same as being home. Our crooked plastic tree is covered with bright pink and blue and red plastic bulbs, and while it is inviting, having your own tree, crooked or not, seems to bring a different kind of enjoyment. Santa is no stranger to our unit, he proudly walks from room to room on Christmas morning, handing out coloring books and crayons, little toys and games. This year, though, Santa came a few days early! He arrived on our unit not once this past weekend, but three times! Sponsored by a local business, he came bearing gifts and gifts and gifts ... and more gifts!! Apparently, the "suits" in this corporation decided to donate their holiday bonuses and buy oh so many presents for our sweet children. Santa walked over to one of our kids and asked, "what do you want for Christmas this year?" As "iPod" was spelled out on a communication board, Santa's face grew a happy grin. He said he wasn't able to get an iPod, but wondered if an MP3 player would do. The tremendous smile he got in return was answer enough! So, even though each bed is a little smaller because of the large stuffed Care Bears that have suddenly moved in, the Christmas spirit is alive in our halls. And, so what if these holiday bonuses weren't a huge sacrifice? So what if it was a sales tactic? I guess I'd just like to believe that generosity still exists ... and if it made the children laugh, I'm not really going to spend time questioning it.

Things I learned today...

1.) Turns out, despite the mission of motivational speakers everywhere (and apparently the "motivational bumbersticker" I saw on my way home), "giving of yourself"/compassion/whatever does have a limit. Hopefully though, we all reach our limits at different times so we can cover for each other when someone feels spent.

2.) That I have maybe entered into my nurse-hood officially. Even though I felt sick and puke-y all day and my patients actually were puking all day, I was able to hold it together. Didn't even gag when all I had to catch "it" with was a towel and my hands. Yep, I have arrived.

3.) That I am blessed by the people around me. Specifically, but certainly not limited to, those who bring me Panera soup on nights when my nose is stuffed and I have to breath through my mouth and I probably have bad breath and I am probably contagious.