Some people say that each day comes with different experiences, each experience comes with different feelings. Lately, though, each day seems to come with the same experiences and each experience comes with similar feelings. And while they aren't ideal, I'm (slowly) starting to realize that things aren't always going to be ideal, but maybe it isn't about the things. Maybe it's about our approach.

Keeping this challenge from upseting the blessings in my life is hard, but it also has the potential to be the most destructive. I know that I am prone to focus on tasks (just look in my purse and you will find 15 outdated and unfinished To Do lists). But, I know that I don't want my life to be defined by tasks. I want it to be defined by my presence - in my own life and in the lives of other people. I want to see and experience life, not cross each step off a poorly constructed list.

A professor of mine used this story once as a way to illustrate her approach to nursing. I think its truth stretches far beyond a professional application.

Luke 10:38
Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomes him into her home. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, "Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me." But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her."

I've been reading a book entitled Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott. This quote I found especially inspiring, and true.

"It's funny: I always imagined when I was a kid that adults had some kind of inner toolbox, full of shiny tools: the saw of discernment, the hammer of wisdom, the sandpaper of patience. But then when I grew up I found that life handed you these rusty bent tools - friendships, prayer, conscience, honesty - and said, Do the best you can with these, they will have to do. And mostly, against all odds, they're enough."

why i voted.

Today is about 2 things. Voting and my dad.

Happy Birthday Dad!! I love you!

I walked to the polls today and voted. On my way over I was talking to someone who works in my apt complex. He "never votes" apparently and had no plans to do it today. I understand his frustration with all the drama that comes along with elections and political races, but I told him that I have to vote. When I think that only a few generations of women have had the freedom to walk up to those little booths and have their opinions count, I can't find any valid excuse to not participate. Then, as I was registering (we can do it the day of in MN) I was waiting behind an elderly Russian man. As the judge handed him the little yellow card that would be his pass into the polls, he touched his heart with his hand, laughed, and said, "I will go vote now" and laughed again. Pretty soon everyone in line was either laughing or tearing up as we watched this frail little man go submit (what I assume to be) his first ballot in an American election. What an inspirational day!

I am tired. Not sure by what, or who, but I have this feeling that it is the cummulation of lots of things. Usually, I can deal with physical tired. But lately it is impossible to just feel one kind of tired. It most often appears with emotional fatigue and on early mornings like this, when it is still dark outside. I think most of this "unexplained" weariness is due mostly to my lack of life coordination. Balancing work and life is much harder than I'd like it to be. Maybe that has to do with my current work situation. Or maybe it has to do with my current life situation. Neither are ideal. What do you do when work is stressful, home is stressful, and the only thing that will accept you unconditionally is your oversized quilt? I guess you fill your travel mug with tea, go to work, and try to not mess up your makeup too badly.