This week at church we talked about love - not how to do it, but why we don't do it. I liked this approach, as the "how" reasons often leave me feeling inadequate or incapable. Do any of us love everyone all the time? No, I mean if "being kind and compassionate" is how we show love to a person, I fall short constantly!
There are always going to be those simple frustrations that lead to not-loving thoughts toward people... Or those times when I just don't go out of my way to show love to someone... But, for right now I want to dig into the more difficult situations. What do I do when my heart so wants to fill with hate - hate for the drunk driver that brings yet another patient into my unit, hate for the person who rapes a 12 year old, hate for person who lies and steals from my friend? I've heard we are supposed to not hate the person, but rather what the person does. That makes sense... sometimes. But, sometimes it is really hard to separate the person from their actions. Actions speaking louder than words and all that...
But, I really do believe we are supposed to love. Return love for hate, believe in hope where there is none... Now, just for that "why" question.
First, I think it is important to say that to know what love is does not necessarily produce it. I can have a great amount of love for my family, and know how to feel and express it, but have no love for another person. The idea we were challenged with on Sunday was this: Love is an evidence that something has already happened. So, I can love because I have been loved. I have been forgiven, so I can forgive. The passage we focused on was in Luke: "he who is forgiven little, loves little". If we don't believe we have much to be forgiven for (self righteousness), how can we love another person?
So, ok, back to the question: what hinders love? Well, maybe it is the minimization of our need for forgiveness (the ultimate act of love). Do we consider ourselves more deserving of love than another person? I wonder, what would happen if we started to consider others better than ourselves. Is it our merit that makes us deserving of love, or is it simply about who we are? That is a counter-cultural idea, I'd say, but I'm just throwing it out there as food for thought :-)
The "love is patient, love is kind" list does an excellent job of informing our hearts, but it doesn't transform us (at least not me). The transforming power, I think, comes when I remember how greatly & wholly I've been loved. That is motivating.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Jumping right back into work, post-vacation, is hard. But, complaining is boring and I think finding joy makes for a happier person... so, I'm trying anyway. True, there are days when you have to think really hard to find the "highlights", but I have an easy one from yesterday that I hope someone will enjoy hearing about it.
So, I have this patient who loves her baby doll. She has this sweet stroller that my 6-year old self would totally covet and she will spend a good chunk of her free time pushing her around the unit. We put a little diaper on her to keep her decent, sometimes I check her heart with my stethoscope to make sure she is staying healthy, and once I showed my patient how to swaddle her in a pillow case (apparently I did it wrong because it came off immediately). Anyway, my little patient is in a wheelchair and pushing your own wheelchair plus a toy stroller comes with certain challenges, right? It was slow going for a while, but as I watched her I decided not to step in and push her wheelchair for her because 1.) she seemed content and 2.) why interrupt such beautiful determination? Probably about one hour into this I look over into our playroom and see that my resourceful little patient had figured out a way to hook the stroller to the side of her wheelchair so she could propel the wheelchair and bring the stroller along with her... she and dolly were on their way!
Ok, so I admit that might be a corny story, but I loved it! Her dedication, resourcefulness... love it all. When you work with kids probably the best, most rewarding thing to watch is them finding their own way. I think this is a perfect, "little" example of that. Sometimes I just wish people could come see my kids just so they could see how awesome and capable they are! Disabilities don't exist in our hospital - only creative solutions. She taught me to remember how much really is outside the box.
So, I have this patient who loves her baby doll. She has this sweet stroller that my 6-year old self would totally covet and she will spend a good chunk of her free time pushing her around the unit. We put a little diaper on her to keep her decent, sometimes I check her heart with my stethoscope to make sure she is staying healthy, and once I showed my patient how to swaddle her in a pillow case (apparently I did it wrong because it came off immediately). Anyway, my little patient is in a wheelchair and pushing your own wheelchair plus a toy stroller comes with certain challenges, right? It was slow going for a while, but as I watched her I decided not to step in and push her wheelchair for her because 1.) she seemed content and 2.) why interrupt such beautiful determination? Probably about one hour into this I look over into our playroom and see that my resourceful little patient had figured out a way to hook the stroller to the side of her wheelchair so she could propel the wheelchair and bring the stroller along with her... she and dolly were on their way!
Ok, so I admit that might be a corny story, but I loved it! Her dedication, resourcefulness... love it all. When you work with kids probably the best, most rewarding thing to watch is them finding their own way. I think this is a perfect, "little" example of that. Sometimes I just wish people could come see my kids just so they could see how awesome and capable they are! Disabilities don't exist in our hospital - only creative solutions. She taught me to remember how much really is outside the box.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Ok, here is an assortment of the pictures. I think it is safe to say that I am addicted to beautiful places!
At MSP and ready to go!
About to hit the beach
Ah, we have arrived....
Doing a really good job of enjoying the sun
Dressed up for dinner
Ooh, real Mexican food. So good!
On the Eco Cat, ready for our tour!
We missed Katie every day. 
Lover's Beach - apparently the 9th most beautiful beach in the world
Ready to snorkle!!
Post-snorkle party on the boat!
The fun lasted all day :-) 
And then we saw whales! A mom and calf... they were incredible!!
At Harley Davidson's
Me and my gals :-) 
More beach time on our last day
Our last Cabo dinner.... at the resort. So sad to leave!Thursday, March 19, 2009
Well, I am sitting in sweet, predictable MN. After a week in WI and then nearly 5 days in Cabo, I have to admit that a small part of me is happy to be sitting in the familiarity of my living room. Yes, I do wish there was an ocean a mere steps from my couch and a $1 Corona in my hand, but I guess you can't have it all, all the time. I was going through the stages of grief today as we were on our way out, nearly begging God to "just give me one more day" in our lovely resort with beautiful food, warm sun and a beach full of luscious men, but I guess He has other plans for my Friday. It appears that they include:
- doing my taxes
- laundry
- groceries/dinner
- cleaning room/bathroom
Oh I can hardly stand all the fun.
- doing my taxes
- laundry
- groceries/dinner
- cleaning room/bathroom
Oh I can hardly stand all the fun.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Sunday, March 8, 2009
I have found something new to love about daylight savings. When you work overnight, 3:00 comes one minute after 1:59! Suddenly, I am nearly half way done with my shift, which is so nice because I slept only like 45 min this afternoon. Insomnia, you ask? No, just fun - it was a great day, why sleep through it?
When I say "fun", I really mean lunch with Adam, tanning, washing my windows (hello, sun!), spending time with Katie, going to church... Oh, I also went to the MIA and saw the limited time New Guinea exhibit. That was great.
What I love about the art I saw today was that it was so beautiful & functional. Drums, paddles, shields, bowls. Most of the aesthetic appeal was also functional to some extent- connecting ones self to nature, ancestors, a certain task (often war or hunting). I loved that they carved their bowls shallow, with beautiful swirls and curls in the bottom, so they could hang them on the wall and display art in between uses. Yes, why can't bowls be art? I also loved that when they carved designs in their battle shields, they incorporated their familial history in the art as another means of protection. I mean, if you had a great warrior in your family, might as well bring along his/her spirit when you go to war, right?
Anyway, it seems that I have an important decision to make: who would I want to carve out of wood and perch at the top of my shield?
Ok, these are my more "less distantly related" options:
Mom: She's feisty - I wouldn't want to see what would happen should someone threaten her family or home. And she'd look good doing it, which is important in my cultural context.
Dad: He's a protector, too - and always seems to know what's right. Hm, I might need his level head in battle. And, he's a craftsman, which would come in handy when assembling said shield.
Grandpas: Both in the army, both skilled craftsmen. Yes, with their help I could make weapons and then actually know how to use them. And, I think with Grandpa Harms's help I'd be a fair and honorable warrior, which would be important should I ever want the privilege of being perched on top of someone else's shield (it is never too soon to think about these things, you know).
Grandmas: Fearless, these ladies. Ha, and we can't forget about the time Grandma Brown marched over to that girl after school and punched her for making fun of her new yellow coat. Yeah, it might be wise for me to tap into some of that spirit, should I need it.
Look at that, what a well equipped & useful group of ancestors I have. Ok, I think I might be ready.
When I say "fun", I really mean lunch with Adam, tanning, washing my windows (hello, sun!), spending time with Katie, going to church... Oh, I also went to the MIA and saw the limited time New Guinea exhibit. That was great.
What I love about the art I saw today was that it was so beautiful & functional. Drums, paddles, shields, bowls. Most of the aesthetic appeal was also functional to some extent- connecting ones self to nature, ancestors, a certain task (often war or hunting). I loved that they carved their bowls shallow, with beautiful swirls and curls in the bottom, so they could hang them on the wall and display art in between uses. Yes, why can't bowls be art? I also loved that when they carved designs in their battle shields, they incorporated their familial history in the art as another means of protection. I mean, if you had a great warrior in your family, might as well bring along his/her spirit when you go to war, right?
Anyway, it seems that I have an important decision to make: who would I want to carve out of wood and perch at the top of my shield?
Ok, these are my more "less distantly related" options:
Mom: She's feisty - I wouldn't want to see what would happen should someone threaten her family or home. And she'd look good doing it, which is important in my cultural context.
Dad: He's a protector, too - and always seems to know what's right. Hm, I might need his level head in battle. And, he's a craftsman, which would come in handy when assembling said shield.
Grandpas: Both in the army, both skilled craftsmen. Yes, with their help I could make weapons and then actually know how to use them. And, I think with Grandpa Harms's help I'd be a fair and honorable warrior, which would be important should I ever want the privilege of being perched on top of someone else's shield (it is never too soon to think about these things, you know).
Grandmas: Fearless, these ladies. Ha, and we can't forget about the time Grandma Brown marched over to that girl after school and punched her for making fun of her new yellow coat. Yeah, it might be wise for me to tap into some of that spirit, should I need it.
Look at that, what a well equipped & useful group of ancestors I have. Ok, I think I might be ready.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Last week I started in my new volunteer role at a free healthcare clinic in the area. I was nervous to make the commitment, but that melted away and let my true excitement take over as the night went on. I really had a great time and I can't wait to go back!
I will probably blog about this clinic again - about the patients, the other nurses, the cute 1950's exam tables that probably have more stories to tell than the 1970's decor - but, I'm really excited to write about something else I experienced that first night.
First, I should explain that our governor is proposing that just a tremendous portion of the state's healthcare budget (including MnCare) get cut by nearly $500 million. In response to this proposition, a group of more socially convicted legislators in our area set out to see what sort of affect that would have on our local hospitals and health clinics. While this clinic does not receive funding from the government, it does function as a public health provider in a pretty flawless way. This guy came just to kind of check out what we do and how... who we see and why... etc etc. And, I'm assuming how cutting federal funding will compromise our ability to offer care as it will bring more and more people to our doors.
Well, of course, the director of our clinics came with and asked me to share with this man why I decided to volunteer with this organization. This is when I got really excited - I was able to share with someone (who maybe cared at least a little bit?) why I do what I do and what motivates me. The funny thing is - I actually feel like he was listening! We eventually got to talking about the hospital I work for, since it is one of the hospitals that will get hit hardest with this upcoming budget cut, & I was able to articulate to him why the children we see are unique and special and what budget cuts would do to the care they receive and the quality of life they are therefore able to enjoy (or not enjoy). This is a serious issue, and I actually felt like he understood it. These proposed budget cuts will save the state a large chunk o' change, but will cost the hospitals even more (I think the cuts are to save the state about $500m and will cost hospitals about $700m). Providers will be less able to refer patients to specialists, provide "elective" surgeries (is quality of life elective?), and offer patient resources that can actually help prevent health issues in the first place.
Ok, wait, I didn't really want this blog to get political, because I realize there are going to be people who see the government as not responsible for these things... I understand that there are always many sides to an issue. My point, really, is just to say how excited I was to advocate for my kids! Their little faces are hidden behind the politics of it all and I so appreciated this guys interested. Even if he was just pretending to care - we were all excited to share with someone about the things that give us life. And that is to care of the people who might otherwise be forgotten. Simple as that.
Please don't take that from me, Pawlenty.
ok, no seriously, not trying to be political :-)
I will probably blog about this clinic again - about the patients, the other nurses, the cute 1950's exam tables that probably have more stories to tell than the 1970's decor - but, I'm really excited to write about something else I experienced that first night.
First, I should explain that our governor is proposing that just a tremendous portion of the state's healthcare budget (including MnCare) get cut by nearly $500 million. In response to this proposition, a group of more socially convicted legislators in our area set out to see what sort of affect that would have on our local hospitals and health clinics. While this clinic does not receive funding from the government, it does function as a public health provider in a pretty flawless way. This guy came just to kind of check out what we do and how... who we see and why... etc etc. And, I'm assuming how cutting federal funding will compromise our ability to offer care as it will bring more and more people to our doors.
Well, of course, the director of our clinics came with and asked me to share with this man why I decided to volunteer with this organization. This is when I got really excited - I was able to share with someone (who maybe cared at least a little bit?) why I do what I do and what motivates me. The funny thing is - I actually feel like he was listening! We eventually got to talking about the hospital I work for, since it is one of the hospitals that will get hit hardest with this upcoming budget cut, & I was able to articulate to him why the children we see are unique and special and what budget cuts would do to the care they receive and the quality of life they are therefore able to enjoy (or not enjoy). This is a serious issue, and I actually felt like he understood it. These proposed budget cuts will save the state a large chunk o' change, but will cost the hospitals even more (I think the cuts are to save the state about $500m and will cost hospitals about $700m). Providers will be less able to refer patients to specialists, provide "elective" surgeries (is quality of life elective?), and offer patient resources that can actually help prevent health issues in the first place.
Ok, wait, I didn't really want this blog to get political, because I realize there are going to be people who see the government as not responsible for these things... I understand that there are always many sides to an issue. My point, really, is just to say how excited I was to advocate for my kids! Their little faces are hidden behind the politics of it all and I so appreciated this guys interested. Even if he was just pretending to care - we were all excited to share with someone about the things that give us life. And that is to care of the people who might otherwise be forgotten. Simple as that.
Please don't take that from me, Pawlenty.
ok, no seriously, not trying to be political :-)
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Tennessee
I was able to secure a(nother) trip to TN this week and spend time with Ariel and Henrik!! We played, cooked, went on walks, and just generally enjoyed each others company... face to face!!! Boy do I love them.... (oh, and funny how I came away with zero pics of Ariel and I! Whoops!)
You can't see them, but he's sportin' the new shoes Auntie Ashlee brought for him!
There they are! So cute!!
Bath time! I can't remember if this is before or after he "shot" himself in the face :-)
Henrik, the cherub
What kind of auntie would I be if I didn't give a few face smooshing kisses every once in a while?!
Play time!
Outfit #47 (he goes through more clothes in one day than me!)
What a sweet boy!
Where are my sweet potatoes?!
I so wish I could see this new little family more often, but I am incredibly thankful for the opportunities I have to visit them. I hope I can make it down there again soon!
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